Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Confessions of a Workaholic


So... I’ve been in therapy for a couple of months now. Shocker, I know. And my therapist says I need to have more friends. I failed that part of the assessment she gave me. The other part I failed was self-care. That part about diet and exercise. I should have just lied. I think it’s silly that we can’t just eat whatever we want. And if exercise didn’t hurt and make me feel like I’m suffocating, I would probably do it more often.

So... back to the friends part. I blew off my therapist, “I have friends.”

“Oh? How many? That you actually spend time with? That you could call or they could call you at 2am and it would be okay? Church people don’t count.”

“Well, none then! I’d rather not have anybody calling me at 2:00 in the morning,” I said. Once again, disclaimer on the church people.

Besides, it's not true. There are a couple of people I would want to call me, even at 2am. The only problem is that one of them doesn’t even live on this continent anymore.

The really sad part? She was just in town for a few weeks. Her mom’s cancer came back and took her life quickly, so she came home to say goodbye, bury her mom, and take care of all those things children do when their parents die. Did I make it to her mother’s funeral? No. Did I go visit her while she was in town, or help her clean her mom’s house, or give her boys some love? No. Am I the crappiest, most sorry excuse for a friend on the planet? Yes.

And here’s the worst part of it all. She has been there for me in every drama queen, PMS, I-hate-my-body, mad-at-the-ex-husband-again moment of my life for the last six years. She has been the best friend a person could ever ask for. I have drooled on her couch. She has booted her children to the floor so I could sleep in their bed at the lake. She has fed me a healing abundance of alcohol and made sure I made it home safely. She is the only person who has provoked me to exercise for a number of consecutive months, and trust me, I whined the whole time. And I can’t even pull myself away from work long enough to go to her mother’s funeral.

My therapist says I “busy” myself to the detriment of my relationships. She’s right. Today, I am feeling and grieving that.

So today I think I’ll start a money jar. I need to start saving for a trip off the continent.

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